


repeat until death

by dumaloy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A lot of Angst tho, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29284863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumaloy/pseuds/dumaloy
Summary: Iwaizumi didn’t know how to grab onto something boundless, like time, the space between them, and slowly, Oikawa Tooru.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	repeat until death

**Author's Note:**

> the names switch between Oikawa / Tooru and Iwaizumi / Hajime depending on the mood. just in case it's confusing :) also please listen to the Song. it's linked in there somewhere. you'll know <3 this is the 5 centimeters per second iwaoi spinoff u didn't ask for

Iwaizumi wakes up early in the morning to jog. He runs down the same path down Miyagi Prefecture, the path he’s grown to be accustomed to. Yes, it’s a known fact that ex-volleyball player Iwaizumi Hajime still kept the healthy habits of a renowned athlete. But there are some days, like this one, when Iwaizumi runs to feel – to feel the air, the earth, the hues of daylight, and the feeling of being in love with Oikawa Tooru.

He runs past his old school’s gymnasium with the high-vaulted ceiling that roofs all their secret moments, silent confessions, and tears of both victories and defeat. There are so many memories that Iwaizumi starts to lose track of them.

So Iwaizumi runs to chase the pounding in his chest feeling. He chases it down in the rain, frigid winter, and blistering heat, so he doesn’t forget. 

It’s not that they don’t talk anymore, no not really, Iwaizumi comes home to a good morning text, and a tell me about your day text during Oikawa’s free days. Then later in the morning just after his customary jog, Oikawa calls him; or he calls Oikawa when neither of them is busy.

“I miss you a lot,” Oikawa says, his voice trailing off.

Iwaizumi hears his sweet voice and for a moment everything feels like they’re in the right place, Iwaizumi’s feelings, the eternity between them, the aching feeling in his heart. It feels like experiencing everything all over again. The 10 years he’s been looking at Oikawa and the 10 years Oikawa has looked back at him. Then, it feels unbearably painful. He never knew what to do with the warmth in Oikawa’s voice, his soul, his brown eyes staring at him from the phone screen. Iwaizumi didn’t know how to grab onto something boundless, like time, the space between them, and slowly, Oikawa Tooru.

“Something wrong?” Iwaizumi snaps out of his trance, meeting the other boy’s eyes through the screen, his expression laced with worry and concern. He hums, shaking his head and giving him a smile.

“Nothing. I just miss you more.”

* * *

_“Fundamentals of business analytics, uh, it’s a book,” Hajime says._

_Tooru pauses for a moment, “Hm. Just put it inside the blue luggage, the smaller one. I probably won’t need that but my boss might like me more if he finds out I take the book he bought for me with me.”_

_Hours worth of Tooru pacing around, cluttering and decluttering, he finally huffs a loud exhale. “Well, that’s about it,” Tooru says. Hajime was on his phone, seated on the velvet recliner they both bought from their old neighbor’s garage sale. Tooru grins before straddling him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s neck. Hajime smiles, hands moving to his waist._

_“Sorry for leaving so soon,” Tooru breathes out. Hajime holds him tighter._

_"Don’t apologize. Let’s just look for houses when you get back.” Tooru hums in approval._

Iwaizumi forgets when it started. When he started missing out on the sweet, scintillating feelings of his everyday life. A new couple just moved in next door and Iwaizumi is the first to welcome them. The newlyweds ask him whether he lived alone and the boy stiffens for a moment, responding with a ‘no, he works overseas’, a little softer than he intended. Matsukawa also has invited him to drink tonight, but Oikawa tells him that in a few hours later he’d be free to call.

For two years Iwaizumi keeps finding traces of warmth in Oikawa’s texts, but days grow longer and their messages stop meeting their presents, replying in the same established manner feels like inching closer to the truth that threatened the relationship they built over the years. 

_Just a few more minutes,_ Iwaizumi thinks faintly. The ticking sound of the clock grows louder and it pierces through his chest, straight to his throbbing heart. His throat feels sore thinking about what he could possibly say to him this time. He thinks about how his day went, how his boss treated him, how tiring his jog was, how he–

Iwaizumi picks up on the third ring. “Haji.” 

Oikawa’s voice felt like the warmest drink being poured in an icy glass, but it flows right through, only doing as much as leaving momentary traces of warmth. The cold feeds on Iwaizumi, like a hopeless prey being whittled away the minute the other line ends. 

The next morning, Iwaizumi runs until he feels that burning ache again.

* * *

In the grand scheme of things, according to Matsukawa, distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder. But it only applies, according to Hanamaki, when you only think of them during the bleakest moments of your day. Doing everything you’re accustomed to on a daily until the sun sets, only then will your heart clench at the sight of empty space.

This apparently doesn't apply to Iwaizumi because his everyday involved _him_. It has always been that way. He desperately clings onto the feeling even if they were far apart until it pours out of him. It pours and it pours, blindly into a lonely abyss, in shallow hopes that somehow, it reaches Oikawa. 

In the end, Iwaizumi agrees to go out per Matsukawa’s request. He meets his two other friends by the side of the street, next to the offensive green neon sign, casting a harsh glow in contrast to Matsukawa and Hanamaki’s concerned expressions. The bar was close to empty. The reason being a weekday and the time is a bit too early to be drinking.

Have you eaten? Yes. Have you been getting enough hours of sleep? No. Do you want anything specific? No. 

Iwaizumi doesn’t remember when his responses started being one-worders, and whether it was out of plain listlessness or he started sounding like his replies to Oikawa. The next moment, he’s laughing. Hanamaki hesitates. Because it was the first time in a while since he’s seen Iwaizumi laugh, and he was intoxicated.

“Man, Tooru would be passed out on the second glass,” Matsukawa laughs, a little tipsy, and Iwaizumi stiffens at the sound of his name.

Iwaizumi chugs down the glass and slams it on the table. His heart beating loudly against his chest. His throat burns with the absence of the said boy and he licks his lips in a desperate attempt to remember what it was like to drink with Oikawa. His arms flailing around until he finds his boyfriend’s, neck buried in the crook of his, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. He doesn’t remember how that feels anymore. He chugs another glass and Hanamaki gently pulls the drink away before he finishes the entire thing.

“Hajime?” Hanamaki says, Iwaizumi looks up at him, one blink away from crying. 

“Oh,” Hanamaki says nothing more, scooting closer to Iwaizumi. He sobs softly, there’s a rawness to his sobs, like the pain comes from the reopening of a wound he so desperately tried to conceal. 

“I don’t know what to do. I miss him and, and, fuck,” Iwaizumi chokes out. Matsukawa sobers at the sight of his friend breaking down and he panics, dialing Oikawa’s number.

Oikawa picks up on the 5th ring.

“Issei? What’s up?”

Oikawa calls Iwaizumi later that night. He almost misses it, the pain from opening his eyes shooting through his skull, he almost throws up. 

“Baby?” Oikawa calls. 

“I don’t know what to do without you, we went drinking but all I could think about was you, but I–” Iwaizumi starts crying, stopping him from forming coherent sentences. Then he continues, “I forgot what that feels like.”

“Of what? Drinking with me?” Oikawa chuckles and Iwaizumi’s breathing starts feeling heavier against his ribs. The rise and fall of his chest being more oppressive than earlier.

“Yeah. Everything with you. Your warmth, your voice that’s not from a fucking phone call, your touch, your skin,” Iwaizumi cries.

“We’ll do everything again,” Oikawa says, clearing his throat. If Iwaizumi were a little soberer, he’d know that Oikawa was holding back his tears. 

“When I get home, we’ll do everything again. I’ll stay next to you, Haji. I’ll touch you anywhere you’d want me to, and I’ll let you touch me too. You’ll hear my voice everyday. We’ve come so far, we can hold on a little bit more, right?” Oikawa says the last part softly, like it was something for himself rather than the other. Iwaizumi could only sniffle and choke out an ‘okay’.

“I love you, Haji,” Oikawa says softly. Iwaizumi feels something he’s too scared to name in his chest.

* * *

Iwaizumi wakes up the next morning with a hangover and no notifications from Oikawa.

_“I don’t wanna. My head hurts,” Tooru whines, grabbing a pillow from his side and placing it on his face._

_“You have to eat. I got you hangover medicine. We also have a date, remember?” Hajime says, sitting on their disheveled bed. Tooru stays silent for a moment then slowly pulls the pillow off._

_“Okay. But kiss me first,” Tooru grins. Hajime sighs, crossing his arms. “No. You smell like alcohol.”_

_Tooru only glares at him._

_“Whatever,” Tooru mumbles, closing his eyes to sleep again before he feels lips press against his forehead, then his nose, then just the corner of his lips. Tooru’s eyes flutter open in annoyance, but Hajime was quick to catch him off-guard and press his lips against the other._

_“I love you. Now let’s eat.”_

Hanamaki and Matsukawa come over the next day. Neither of them mentions Oikawa, nor did his phone ring in the familiar assigned ringtone. Iwaizumi acquaints himself with the feeling, or the lack thereof, and it sinks from his teeth to the bottom of his stomach.

“So, what do you guys want to have for dinner?” Iwaizumi grins.

* * *

Iwaizumi wakes up to no notifications again. He unlocks his phone, leaving a short good night text, followed by three words. Iwaizumi has always said those three words when texting Oikawa. So he wonders if he says it too much that it’s starting to feel like an insipid chain of vacant words or that maybe it’s muscle memory, like his body moving ardently to match Oikawa’s tosses. But the latter is something that now feels foreign to him, like a grave their youth honored, so he desperately buries the feeling in temporary grief.

“Earth to Iwaizumi.” Iwaizumi flinches. He turns to look at the boy.

“I was asking you how you were doing,” Ushijima says, taking a bite from the burger he ordered. Iwaizumi cringes at the possible oil count, a habit he’s struggled with breaking.

“M’fine. Work is fine. Pay is good. Been jogging in the morning. I like the feeling of tiring myself out,” Iwaizumi shrugs, fork playing with the contents of his chicken salad.

“And Tooru?” 

Iwaizumi blinks, biting the inside of his cheek, “He’s fine. Got relocated overseas so he’s staying there for the time being.”

“How long though?”

“How long what?”

“Will he be there?” _Oh,_ Iwaizumi thinks. For a moment he thought he asked about how long ago it was since Oikawa left, something Iwaizumi knows all too well. Traces of phantom longing reside from the memory of that day, an inscrutable feeling finds home in Iwaizumi’s body. He does not know. He brought it up with Oikawa a lot before, but the latter doesn’t seem to know either. He wonders about the time he stopped asking him about it. Like Oikawa’s absence is now some sort of chronic condition in his life that he just wants to learn to live with.

_“Where the fuck have you been? Why weren’t you answering your phone?” Hajime yells the moment their front door opens. Tooru enters the house with a scowl._

_“Leave me alone,” Tooru spits._

_“What the hell are you talking about? You were gone for a day! Do you know how worried everyone was?” Hajime marches towards the boy, Tooru turns his head._

_“I stayed at Atsumu’s. I told him not to tell you. I’m tired, Hajime. Move,” Tooru says, pushing the boy. Hajime grabs him by the wrist, a lot gentler than what Tooru expected._

_“Was it work again? Did your co-worker give you shit again? Were you demoted? Can you at least say something? Please. I was worried sick,” Hajime sighs. Tooru clenches his fist, back still turned towards the boy._

_“Yeah,” Tooru whispers. Hajime says nothing more before pulling Tooru in what seems to be a comforting embrace. A tear escapes, sliding down Tooru’s cheeks down Hajime’s shirt, “I was demoted.”_

_“I’m sorry for not telling you. I didn’t want you to see me like that. But Atsumu forced me to go home,” Tooru cries, his grip on Hajime’s shirt tightening. Hajime loosens his embrace before placing his hands on both Tooru’s cheeks, his thumbs wiping the cascading tears._

_“It’s okay. You’re okay. You don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t want to. Just please tell me if you’re going to stay somewhere else so I know you’re safe, okay?” Tooru nods and Hajime kisses him softly, and in Tooru’s most vulnerable state, he kisses him back._

“I don’t know,” Iwaizumi answers.

“Aren’t you strong,” Ushijima sighs, leaning back against the diner chair. Iwaizumi furrows his brows, “huh?”

“I mean, Tooru moved halfway across the world 2 years ago. That’s definitely not a small number,” Ushijima says, looking outside the diner, “But you both _did_ start dating 10 years ago. That’s 8 years' worth of memories to feed you for the next… whatever years. Still, must be tough. You guys are pretty amazing.”

“Would you have given up?” Out of every possible reply, this is something Ushijima never thought Iwaizumi would say. No, not ever. Iwaizumi bites his lip at Ushijima’s startled reaction.

“You know I can’t answer that.”

“Yeah. My bad. Don’t know why I said that,” Iwaizumi awkwardly laughs.

* * *

Iwaizumi skips his morning jog, but he receives several texts from Oikawa.

**Tooru**

[insert photo] look at this haji 

**Tooru**

aren’t the ducks cute 

**Tooru**

the boss took us around the country for the first time. and it’s also the first time the company went out for something not work-related!!!

**Tooru**

So sorry i wasn’t able to text as much :(

**Tooru**

good morning btw <3 have a nice day today i love you

Iwaizumi sees the texts 5 minutes later so he tries calling him, but Oikawa doesn’t answer. He doesn’t try again. He resorts to leaving him the same amount of texts.

_“I will not dance with you,” Hajime laughs, walking away from the kitchen counter where Tooru was sitting. The two of them decided to spend their free weekend baking cookies, but Tooru just couldn’t sit idle waiting for the cookies to finish._

_“C’mon, it can be like those couples in weddings. I can put on some random Disney song from my playlist,” Tooru grins._

_“I’ll even kiss you in a wedding way, unless you want a honeymoon one.” Hajime perks at the suggestion, smirking, “you’ll do that anyway even if I don’t dance with you.”_

_Tooru pouts, grabbing his phone from the side, playing a[song](https://open.spotify.com/track/3XFkhxO5jo2hBOWNzIQ9UB?si=Z-xDhLWtRsekJgWFpBwlEw). _

_“And you’d dance with me anyway even if I don’t do it,” Tooru smiles. Hajime has witnessed many of Tooru’s smiles, not always a smile formed by his lips. Like when Tooru smiles with the lilt of his voice, exhilarated after doing the perfect toss, or the bounce in Tooru’s stride when he sees Hajime down the hallway. This one is the classic smile Tooru shows with the curving of his lips, jumping down the kitchen counter to wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s neck._

_“This song’s not even happy,” Hajime chuckles, following Tooru’s lead._

_“Well, it’s still Disney,” Tooru laughs and Hajime wants to hear more of it._

_“Do you want to get married?” Hajime says and Tooru freezes. Hajime laughs, “why’d the groom stop dancing?” Tooru rolls his eyes._

_“I don’t know. Not that I never thought about it, of course, if I were to get married I’d only want it with you. It’s just that I’m happy with what we have. I wouldn’t ask for anything more. Why? Are you gonna propose to me, Iwaizumi Hajime?”_

_Hajime spins him around, the music envelopes them like thread guiding their slow movements._

_“I don’t know, Oikawa Tooru. I’m also happy with what we have, but if you want to so badly,” Hajime chuckles, and Tooru steps on him on purpose._

_Two weeks later, Tooru announces he’s moving._

_“My boss wants to relocate me,” Tooru blurts out during dinner. Hajime stays silent, Tooru taking it as a sign to keep going._

_“He really likes my work. There’s a branch in the States, it’s fairly new, and he wants me to help out a bit because he thinks I can do well there as part of the core team, just to kickstart the firm. He’s going to pay me double. Oh, but don’t worry it’s not a hundred percent sure yet. It’s a big change and I’m still–”_

_“You’re going, right? If it happens, I mean,” Hajime asks._

_“Yes, is that okay?” Tooru asks carefully, he was always a little bit more careful with Hajime. Sometimes Hajime doesn’t like it._

_“Of course. I’ve known you for 8 years, dumbass. It’s not like you to hold back for my sake. I know you also want to do well on your job, you’ve come so far anyway. Don’t worry about me. I’ll wait for you,” Hajime says._

_“I love you,” Tooru frowns, hands reaching for the other’s, fingers gently rubbing Hajime’s knuckles before pulling it and placing a soft kiss, “I’m the luckiest.”_

The sound of Iwaizumi’s ringtone blares through the growing-familiar silence of his house. 

“Tooru?”

“Hey! So, why’d you call?” _Why?_ Iwaizumi thinks to himself.

“Oh, uh, nothing really. Just wanted to check up on you. How are you doing?” Iwaizumi asks, surprised at his own gentleness.

“Do you miss me again?” Iwaizumi hears Oikawa giggle.

“I always miss you, dumbass,” Iwaizumi’s voice trails off, Oikawa clears his throat at the mention of the nickname. Iwaizumi’s eyes widen at the sudden realization, like an animal caught in headlights. He hasn’t called Oikawa that in 2 years. He feels his heart pound against his chest for one frantic second.

“Oh, well. Haha! I’m doing okay here. I get called to work often, I’m actually at work right now, but I just got out the bathroom. Anyway, what about you? How are you Hajime?”

“Uh,” Iwaizumi’s voice falters and for a fleeting moment, Oikawa thinks that Iwaizumi might start crying, but he doesn’t. 

“I’m doing good. Work is boring but I get treated well. I hang out with Issei and Maki a lot. I’m sure they miss you. Also I met up with Ushiwaka a few days ago. He’s doing good too,” Iwaizumi laughs. 

Iwaizumi texts him a good night after. 

* * *

“Tooru called. He said he misses you both,” Iwaizumi says, passing the bowl of popcorn to Hanamaki.

Both heads turn to look at Iwaizumi like he’s some sort of estranged creature. 

“Tooru did? Oh, well that’s good,” Hanamaki stutters a bit. “Tell him to get us the most expensive gifts when he gets back.” Iwaizumi nods.

“You okay?” Matsukawa jokes.

“Fuck off. Yeah,” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes.

Then he wonders why it doesn’t hurt anymore, why the cold void where Oikawa’s voice was supposed to fill is suddenly warmer. It terrifies him, the shying truth that threatens the area of the space Oikawa and Iwaizumi built for the past 10 years. Has he gotten used to Oikawa’s absence? Iwaizumi wonders if this is a good thing, that they don’t fight or argue and have a space of their own. In his peripheral vision, Iwaizumi sees a picture frame. The photo was taken during their high school graduation. He recalls the conversation he had with Ushijima, his question ringing at the back of his head, more directed to himself rather than to Ushijima.

 _Would I have given up?_ Iwaizumi thinks, his feelings hurtling through empty space. He realizes how lonely the journey must’ve been, desperately chasing something in the uncomfortable unknown, trying to get used to the uncertainty, encountering nothing but the occasional fragments of condensed moments from their relationship, believing that it would be enough to stop the unveiling truth within the universe. He sinks in his seat.

Iwaizumi loves Oikawa. He loves him. He loves him. He loves him. Iwaizumi lets the statement slide over his mouth, getting accustomed to the taste of it on his tongue. He remembers all the time he ran. Did he run too much through scorching fires that all that's left of him is ashes? Did he run too much through crystalline misery that he finds himself completely frozen? Did he love in heavy droplets of rain, slowly, then all at once, before completely falling to earth like an unfulfilled promise? He thinks about why he ran because deep down he believes that Miyagi has a piece of Oikawa Tooru in the broken pieces of gravel, how it was easy to rediscover trivial moments immortalized in every corner. Has Iwaizumi always been running backward?

Iwaizumi cries when his friends leave. He cries in the wake of something nameless.

_“We should break up,” Tooru chokes, tears pricking on his right eye._

_“Are you fucking serious right now?” Hajime says, disbelief coursing through his veins to his ribcage. “We’re not breaking up until you actually say something.”_

_“What’s there to say? You’ve done nothing but nose around my business and get jealous. I’m sick of it, Hajime,” Tooru says, dropping himself on the couch._

_“I wouldn’t be so jealous if you actually told me what’s going on in your life, you never tell me anything! Not your problems, nothing about work, it’s always guessing games with you. And seriously? Kuroo? What am I supposed to think when I find out from other people that you’ve been spending a lot of time with him?” Hajime wants to pull his hair out._

_“Do you not trust me enough? Have I done something wrong?” Hajime says, gentleness lacing through every word. He sits on the chair in front of Tooru._

_“No. It’s not that,” Tooru starts crying fits of broken sobs, “I’m tired, Haji. Nothing in my life is going well and I don’t want to be with you when I’m–”_

_“When you’re what? Having a hard time? You’re always so obsessed with making yourself look accomplished around me. Don’t even deny it. Do you think I’ll leave you when I find out that your life isn’t picture-perfect? This keeps happening. You never tell me anything. Do you really want to break up with me?”_

_Tooru is silent._

_“I just want you to show me the parts of yourself that you keep repressing. You’re not perfect, Tooru. No one is. My role here is supposed to be someone who’s there for you, in happiness and the other. Not just one. But if you really want to break up with me then I’ll respect your decision.”_

  
  


**Hajime**

I need to tell you something. When are you free to call?

**Tooru**

actuallyyyy me too. i’ll call you in about 2 hours? if that’s ok

**Tooru**

just doing something

**Hajime**

Okay, tooru. Don’t worry about it just take your time.

10 in the evening since Iwaizumi’s last message. He waits, a routine he’s grown familiar to. Oikawa calls a little less than 2 hours later and Iwaizumi picks up on the 2nd ring.

“Hey, Haj–did you just cry? Are you okay? Did anything happen?” Oikawa frowns. Iwaizumi sniffles. He sees Oikawa shuffles around his what seemed to be apartment unit in the States. Then more shuffling.

“Are you busy? We can call at a later time,” Iwaizumi says and Oikawa shakes him head.

“I’m not busy, just moving around. Are you okay?” Oikawa attempts to ask again.

“Oh, yeah. Issei and Maki were just here and we watched sad movies. What was it that you needed to tell me?”

“You first.”

“I asked first.” 

Iwaizumi sees Oikawa roll his eyes, moving to lay on his bed. Iwaizumi shifts on the couch. He plays with his fingers, scratching the skin of his thumb in silent pleading. The reality he has predicted is brimming in oppressive, flickering lights and he feels something thrash in his chest.

“I’m coming home.” _What?_

“What?”

“Things have been going well here. Great even! I figured they didn’t need me here anymore. I talked to my boss about it and he agreed.” Iwaizumi stays silent. 

“And I miss you a lot. It’s been hard, you know? The two years. I realized that,” Oikawa pauses, looking away from the screen. In that split moment, Iwaizumi sees tears. “That I really wanted you to be proud of me. I know you’re proud of me, but being away from you for all these years made me realize that I want to be with you, in my best times or my worst. I want to be someone you can be proud of, I realized this a while back. I’ve been doing great and my co-workers have been praising me a lot, but everytime I come home I celebrate on my own. I mean, I can always text you but it’s not the same,” Oikawa laughs, a tear slipping from the corner of his eye.

“And I thought about all the times I made it hard for you. The times I never told you anything. Now I’ve been alone in a completely different world for 2 years and it sucks because I just want to tell you all the times I forgot my apartment key, or I spill my coffee, or when the workload gets too heavy.”

Iwaizumi’s heart pounds. Has he been too selfish? Of course, Oikawa has it harder. He didn’t know anyone, didn’t have anyone to celebrate with, be sad with. He starts tearing up.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Tooru. I’m so fucking selfish. You’ve been all alone for so long and I’ve been nothing but dramatic when you have it worse.”

“No, don’t say that. When you cried for me, it hurt. I cried too. And it must’ve felt like shit, you know? Wishing each other happiness, without doing anything. We’ve hung on. I’m coming home. May I see you again?”

“I thought I was about to lose you,” Iwaizumi murmurs. Oikawa chuckles, wiping his tears with his free hands. 

“Me too. But I’m not going anywhere now. Happy Birthday, Haji. I love you.”

* * *

Hajime paces around the house for what seemed to be an eternity, but this time, he understands. All the coming undone, the tears, the constant chasing. Because he has never been alone. To some extent, he gets consumed by fear. The one-word replies and the waiting, something that built a home in his everyday life. Now that Tooru’s coming home, he doesn’t know how to act. In deep thought, he fails to hear the sound of the cab dropping by.

The door bursts open and the thrumming in Hajime’s heart wavers. Tooru stands by the doorway, luggage lining up behind him. He looks tired. 

They stare at each other for a few seconds, none of them say anything. Hajime takes the time to look at the boy standing before him. His hair got shorter and he lost weight. But he’s still the Tooru in his head, and he mentally curses himself for even thinking otherwise.

“Hey,” Tooru smiles, stepping inside their fortress, which stood in between nostalgic and familiar.

“Hey,” Hajime scratches the back of his neck. This meeting is nothing like he imagined 2 years ago, no running towards each other, jumping in each other’s arms, tears. No, it’s nothing like that. There’s this feeling of something about to burst through his chest, a pool of words threatening to slip past his lips, but he does not move. This time, Hajime is sure that he’s feeling everything for the first time again. Seeing a lost Tooru under the vaulted ceiling of their twined memories, the feeling of a perfect spike in match point, the longing of seeing his boyfriend from university only during weekends, the proposal that never took place, and of course, Oikawa Tooru.

Hajime speaks, his first act of bravery, “Can I kiss you?” 

Tooru grins, one singular tear sliding down his cheek. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and their lips touch. Hajime feels Tooru’s tears in the kiss, but he couldn’t care less. He smells different, feels new, but he has always been Oikawa Tooru. His Oikawa Tooru.

Oikawa smiles in the kiss, sniffling a bit, “I’m home.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for sticking around ^_^ this is actually my first fic and i still don't know what to feel abt this but kudos and comments r very much appreciated !!!! talk to me on [twitter](twitter.com/inarizk)


End file.
